The Nagging Internal Critic

"You're not perfect! " Jackie exclaims. "You're wonderful, and that's enough!" I lap up Jackie's wisdom like a puppy dog, sealing those words into my heart…a security blanket for future insecurities. No matter how experienced, successful or prepared I am, the little panic attacks still happen before a speaking engagement. "Silly stress…that's what that is," Jackie quips. I nod in agreement. As coaches, both Jackie Stanley and I easily recognize the distress from the nagging internal critic in all of our clients, as well as in ourselves. This negative voice seems to be firmly implanted in our brains….disguising itself by delivering different insults…all variations on a theme.

Nag, Nag, Nag,

"You're not thin enough, not smart enough, not woman enough. You don't have enough credentials, money, or clothes. You don't do enough…for your kids, church, boss, clients, parents. Not enough, not enough, not enough." The inner critic robs us of satisfaction and gratification. We forget to rest. We even project the criticism on other people. Life becomes an endless race to get enough and be enough with no end in sight.

Combat your Mental Torment

Here are the steps for combatting the source of this mental torment:

1. Identify the most negative thoughts about yourself, write then down. Usually they start with "I am not ________enough." Or "I always_________ , or I never________enough."(Notice the similarity around not being/having enough?)
   
   
2. Tell yourself, "These are just thoughts. They are not my Truth."
   
   
3. In case you are tempted to argue here, it is important to understand that it is human nature to want to be right. If we carry a strong negative message around in our heads, we can easily find ways of proving that it is right. Instead of wasting time thinking of reasons your negative voice is right, go to step 4.
   
   
4. Identify your Truth and stay grounded in IT. All of us have a core strength (if not several) that is part of our fiber. We came installed with that strength. If you are not sure of your Truth or strength, go to step 5.
   
   
5. To identify your natural strength, do the following:
   • Ask yourself, "If a tornado blew away my house and everything I own, what do I know about myself?"
   • If you have already experienced a major life crisis- what did you learn about yourself? What new aspect of you showed up?
   • What would your best friend identify as your strength? (Ask her.)

Develop Your Dreams

One of my clients realized that when she confronts a challenges, she automatically finds her center, then makes decisions to manage the crisis and establish harmony. That was her Truth….her automatic behavior in a crisis. Another client realized that she is an innate planner. She plans so thoroughly that her back up plans have back up plans. She instantly formulates new plans whenever needed. This reaction is second nature to her…it is part of who she is. Another of my girlfriends describes her strength as stubborn persistence. "I'm a bulldog," she smiles, " I never let go." And with that affirmation, she never gives up. Never. Even in the face of chronic fatigue syndrome, she never lets go of her parenting goals or her relationship goals. She continues to develop her potential and to pursue big dreams.

You're Not Perfect. You're Wonderful

Once you have realized your Truth, write it down in a simple affirmation. Post it where you can see it…savor the confidence and centeredness you feel when you say it. And for a backup in the event that a panicky moment has caught you offguard, let Jackie's words melt in your mouth. "You're not perfect. You're wonderful."

And that's enough.